The original story of Hansel and Gretel was written by the
Brothers Grimm and was published in 1812.
The story is typical of the Grimms and is brutal and dark. Two children, whose stepmother decides due to
a famine, she and her husband can no longer feed the children; has the children
taken out into the woods and abandoned.
The first time she tries this, the children take white pebbles with them
to lay a trail they can follow in the moonlight back to the house. The stepmother tries again, and the children
use breadcrumbs, which birds eat, and so they become lost. They stumble across a cottage built of candy
and gingerbread. The children are
hungry, and start to eat the house. The
house is owned by a witch, who catches the children and forces Gretel to clean,
and Hansel to eat, in an attempt to fatten him up and eat him. She cannot see well, and Hansel keeps holding
up a bone instead of his finger to make the witch think that he is not gaining
weight. Eventually the witch plans to
eat Gretel, she demonstrates how she wants Gretel to bend near the oven, and
Gretel shoves the witch into the oven, slams and bolts the door, then listens
to the witch screaming in pain until she dies.
Gretel frees Hansel, they find precious gems in the house, get carried
across an expanse of water by swans (what?), and end up back at home with their
father – the stepmother has conveniently died.
With the stolen gems, they live happily ever after.
Flash forward to 2013, and we are treated to the super-short
and crazy entertaining Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters. This movie is 88 minutes, and in a January
filled with three hour depressing Oscar movies, it’s a huge relief. And – as I have stated before, I love movies
that do not take themselves seriously and everyone in them is having a great
time. Again, a great example of this is
any movie on SyFy Saturday night; or, my favorite, Kull the Conqueror –
delightfully terrible.
In Norwegian director Tommy Wirkola’s movie, Hansel and
Gretel are now adults. Gone is the evil
stepmother, replaced by two loving parents who took the children into the woods
one day to protect them. Having defeated
the candy house witch as children, they grow up and become famous witch bounty
hunters/killers. They are hired by a
town to come and rid them of their witch problem. The witches are stealing children from the
town – looking to collect 6 boys and 6 girls, each born in one of the 12
months. Hansel and Gretel, now hardened
witch-killers with their own custom weapons, take the case, and end up finding
Muriel, the witch behind the plot. She’s
looking to collect the children to perform a blood moon ritual with the heart
of a white witch to protect her from fire, which, as you know, is a witch’s
greatest enemy, just like the Martian Manhunter. Hansel and Gretel meet a young fan of theirs,
a witch hunter in the making; tackle a bunch of witches with surprisingly fast
brooms and even more surprisingly good hand to hand combat skills; interact
with a troll named Edward; belittle the town’s sheriff; and hook up with a
white witch named Mina (well, Hansel does).
In the end (spoiler alert), they foil the witches plot, and ride off
into the sunset with their new sidekicks to continue fighting witches.
In case you were confused about the type of movie this is, it's produced by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay. Wirkola has stated that he’s a fan of Tarantino and Sam
Raimi, and you can see some old school Raimi tributes here and there. He sets up the tone immediately by showing a
farmer selling his milk in glass jars, with illustrations of missing children
strapped to them. He does a great job directing the action,
which is really all that is important in this movie. The dialogue scenes are fine, just not nearly
as entertaining. Again, I love the
length of this movie. At just under an
hour and a half, it’s fast and fun. It
does earn the R, with some f-bombs, and some blood and gore, all of which make
for some really fun nonsense. Everyone
in the movie is clearly enjoying themselves; no-one is taking anything too
seriously.
The casting in this is pretty great:
·
Jeremy Renner got this job before Mission
Impossible, Avengers, and More Bourne.
One of the reasons this was postponed from the March 2012 opening date
was that there were two large Renner movies coming out that year. He’s great in this, lighthearted and fun;
does most of his own stunts; and almost convincingly pulls off 1800s diabetes.
·
Gemma Arterton plays Gretel and seems to really
enjoy kicking witch ass. She handles the
revelation of being a white witch (spoiler alert) pretty well, and gets to do a
lot of cursing, which doesn’t really seem to fit, but what the heck, you have
to earn that R. She does get some pretty
great hand-to-hand combat sequences, taking on 5 of the sheriff’s men before
Edward the troll shows up and literally stomps the hell out of them.
·
Famke Janssen stated that she took this role to
pay her mortgage, and complained about the three hours of makeup daily. However, I have to say, I don’t think I’ve
seen her have more fun with a role in anything prior to this. She’s pure evil, and seems to relish it.
·
Norwegian Actress Piha Viitala plays Mina, who
the town was about to burn at the stake as a witch, but Hansel and Gretel save
her, stating that she doesn’t have the witch-rot (you know, the witch-rot). I’ve never seen her in anything before, and
her character’s plot twist (?) is predictable, but entertaining.
·
Thomas Mann from the upcoming Beautiful
Creatures (also a witch movie) plays the Hansel and Gretel superfan who becomes
one of their new sidekicks. He does a
good job of geeking out at them even when Hansel uses him as a shield to block
an exploding dude filled with grubs – seriously - that happens.
·
The hilariously crazy Peter Stomare plays the
town Sheriff. He seems to be in this
just to take abuse from Gretel, and provide some nonsensical comic relief. He’s better in this than he was in The
Brothers Grimm (which was one of the worst movies I had ever seen), but worse
than he was in Constantine (he was absolutely the best part of that
nonsense).
I have read some other reviews which point out the
unpretentiousness as a shortcoming, but in my opinion – it’s all positive. The opening credit sequence is beautifully
done – all old-timey illustrations.
Another reason I absolutely loved this was the shocking amount of
practical effects. Wirkola has stated coming
up making movies in Norway, he had no money to afford CGI. When he does use it, he likes it to just be
used to polish up his practical effects.
There are three witches that we follow through most of the movie, and
each of their makeups is fantastic. At
the end, during the blood moon ritual, there are dozens of witches, each of
which has their own amazing practical crazy makeup. That scene could have been a SyFy Face Off
challenge. Also – every time a witch
flies off on her broom (which are really just sticks), it’s mostly all done
with wire work. And, there are
surprisingly well choreographed hand to hand combat sequences. Honestly, the witches are ninja-like and beat
the hell out of Hansel and Gretel. The
sets are beautiful; the costumes are great; the custom-made weapons that Hansel
and Gretel carry around are big time fun.
I haven’t even mentioned the fabulous troll – which is Derek Mears (my
third favorite creature actor, behind Brian Steele and Doug Jones) in a
fantastic troll suit/makeup.
I loved this – it’s easily the best thing I’ve seen all year
so far (okay, that’s only three movies, but you know what I mean). It's silly, it's crazy, it's violent and bloody, it's terrible, and it's fun. As long as you don’t take it seriously, and
you know what you’re getting into, you’ll have a good time.
8 out of 10 – gained points for the witch makeups; lost
points for the exploding grub-filled dude, ick; gained points for the candy
house set – it looks good enough to eat; gained points for the fight scenes,
awesome.
Bonus Video 1: Face
Off on SyFy, again – if you’re not watching this, you should be.
Bonus Video 2: HellBoy 2 – Guillermo del Toro is one of my
favorite directors, and the HellBoy movies have amazing practical effects as
well.
Bonus Video 3: Stomare
playing the devil in Constantine.
Bonus Video 4: cast
Interviews!
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