There has been a lot of hub-bub (you heard me - hub-bub!) about the Oscar nominations
this year. Every year, I find their
nominations to be a bit silly – the majority of the movies nominated are things
that average folks have not seen, and quite frankly, have no interest in seeing. There’s
nothing wrong with tiny, independent movies – but they’re not inherently better
than large, big-budget flicks, and that really should be accepted as a personal
preference.
Just because it’s a based-on-a-true-story acting powerhouse does not make it a better movie than something with two or three completely CGI characters and a couple explosions (okay, a lot of 'splosions). Honestly, if you want to know what the people thought were the best movies of the year, check the box office records – that tells you what people wanted to see: 1) Star Wars, 2)Jurassic World, 3) Avengers 2, 4) Inside Out, 5) Furious 7, 6) Minions, 7) Hunger Games 3, pt.2, 8) The Martian, 9) Cinderella, 10) Spectre.
The Academy’s job is to highlight quality – but, keep in mind, it's their definition of quality – which I almost never agree with. They tend to be elitist, stuffy, and pretentious. But hey, if it weren’t for the nominations, I would almost never see some of these smaller movies, so I will acknowledge that they bring awareness to projects that otherwise would have been completely under my radar.
As to the racial controversy, yes, the nominees are all white – but they’re almost always all white. That is both frustrating and upsetting, but the nominations don’t reflect my personal movie taste, and they never have. Hopefully the controversy will bring about some good change, opening the Academy’s mind to a wider range of films to nominate and their own shortsightedness, as well as opening more roles for people of color in a wider range of films. If you haven't seen SNL's take on the nominations - check it out, it's pretty hilarious (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ospx7tXWYbI)
Ice Cube had the best reaction when asked if he was upset Straight Outta Compton wasn’t nominated more. He said no, he wasn’t upset, they didn’t make the movie for the critics – they made it for the fans. I’d so much rather see a movie made for the audience than one made for the purpose of winning awards.
Just because it’s a based-on-a-true-story acting powerhouse does not make it a better movie than something with two or three completely CGI characters and a couple explosions (okay, a lot of 'splosions). Honestly, if you want to know what the people thought were the best movies of the year, check the box office records – that tells you what people wanted to see: 1) Star Wars, 2)Jurassic World, 3) Avengers 2, 4) Inside Out, 5) Furious 7, 6) Minions, 7) Hunger Games 3, pt.2, 8) The Martian, 9) Cinderella, 10) Spectre.
The Academy’s job is to highlight quality – but, keep in mind, it's their definition of quality – which I almost never agree with. They tend to be elitist, stuffy, and pretentious. But hey, if it weren’t for the nominations, I would almost never see some of these smaller movies, so I will acknowledge that they bring awareness to projects that otherwise would have been completely under my radar.
As to the racial controversy, yes, the nominees are all white – but they’re almost always all white. That is both frustrating and upsetting, but the nominations don’t reflect my personal movie taste, and they never have. Hopefully the controversy will bring about some good change, opening the Academy’s mind to a wider range of films to nominate and their own shortsightedness, as well as opening more roles for people of color in a wider range of films. If you haven't seen SNL's take on the nominations - check it out, it's pretty hilarious (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ospx7tXWYbI)
Ice Cube had the best reaction when asked if he was upset Straight Outta Compton wasn’t nominated more. He said no, he wasn’t upset, they didn’t make the movie for the critics – they made it for the fans. I’d so much rather see a movie made for the audience than one made for the purpose of winning awards.
Thanks to my love of Excel Pivot Tables, I’ve once again
tallied the Oscar Nominations, and determined which movies the Academy thinks
are the best for the year – I’m giving you the top twenty, below that, they all
get to single nominations. The blurbs
are taken from IMDB, because they sum up the movies better than I could. Currently, I’ve seen two of the 9 best
picture nominees. I’m working on some of
the rest, but it’s really tough to get motivated to see some of them! Again, I've included videos from Screen Junkies's Honest Trailers and Cinema Sins 'Everything Wrong With', because they are just hilarious. If you have the time, go ahead and fall down a YouTube hole of those videos.
The Academy’s Best:
1.
The Revenant (12 nominations) “A frontiersman on a fur trading expedition
in the 1820s fights for survival after being mauled by a bear and left for dead
by members of his own hunting team”.
I haven’t seen this yet, I’m not sure I will. I am not a diCaprio fan, not for any
particular reason, just don’t find him interesting. Folks are saying he’s better in this than
he’s been in a while, and this will be his best chance so far to win Best
Actor. I didn’t really like Inarritu’s
last movie, Birdman, so I’m not super-amped up about forcing myself to watch
this one. I’m not really against it, I’m
just ambivalent.
2.
Mad Max Fury Road (9 nominations) “A woman rebels against a tyrannical rules
in post-apocalyptic Australia in search for her home-land with the help of a
group of female prisoners, a psychotic worshipper, and a drifter named Max”. Hard to believe, but the second movie on this
list is on my top list too. I thought this movie was fantastic, but mainly just
because it was all visuals and practical effects. Charlize Theron was fabulous as Furiosa, a
woman who drives angrily for about an hour to get to a place, learns that place
isn’t what she thought it was, so drives an hour back being chased by various
groups of baddies the whole time.
Basically that’s it – nothing much else happens. But it’s the incredible visuals along the way
that sold the movie for me.
3.
The Martian (8 nominations) “During a manned mission to Mars, Astronaut Mark Watney is presumed
dead after a fierce storm and left behind by his crew. But Watney has survived and finds himself stranded
and alone on the hostile planet. With
only meager supplies, he must draw upon his ingenuity, wit and spirit to
subsist and find a way to signal to Earth that he is alive.” Haven’t seen this yet either, mainly because
when it was out – I couldn’t bring myself to find three hours to sit through
it. Three hours! That’s a long time to watch Matt Damon
“science the hell” out of anything. And
now, I’m even less inclined to watch it since it despicably won ‘Best Comedy’
at the Golden Globes. You fail Globes
judges…fail!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRQlji3bCZI
4.
Bridge of Spies (6 nominations) “During the Cold War, an American Lawyer is
recruited to defend an arrested Soviet spy in court, and then help the CIA
facilitate an exchange of the spy for the Soviet captured American U2 spy plane
pilot, Francis Gary Powers.” This
I’ve seen, and it’s certainly a well-put together Spielberg/Hanks
production. Everybody in it is great,
Hanks doesn’t give you anything new, but Mark Rylance stole the movie for me as
the alleged Russian spy. I’m hoping he
wins Best Supporting Actor.
5.
Carol (6 nominations) “An aspiring photographer develops an intimate relationship with an
older woman.” This is on my list of movies to force myself to watch, it
just sounds helplessly boring. A lot of
sitting around and talking in the 30s.
6.
Spotlight (6 nominations) “The true story of how the Boston Globe uncovered the massive scandal
of child molestation and cover-up within the local Catholic Archdiocese,
shaking the entire Catholic Church to its core.” I saw this, and while it's an upsetting story - it makes for a good movie as you root for the reporters to get the news out, and it does a good job of showing the importance of reporters. It is easy to get instantaneous information now, but detailed fact-finding is something reporters are still needed for. The pacing is good, which can be tough with a movie like this. There's a lot of talk about Rachel McAdams's performance and her nomination, but I think Ruffalo deserves his a little more.
7.
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (5 nominations) “Three decades after the defeat of the
Galactic Empire, a new threat arises. The First Order attempts to rule the
galaxy and only a ratag group of heroes can stop them, along with the help of
the Resistance.” My favorite movie
of the year – which I enjoy more and more each time I see it – despite the fact
that I was a huge fan of the novels already in place that told the stories of
the Expanded Universe. This movie does a
wonderful job of continuing the story, and setting up entirely new characters.
8.
The Big Short (5 nominations) “Four denizens in the world of high-finance
predict the credit and housing bubble collapse of the mid-2000s, and decide to
take on the big banks for their greed and lack of foresight.” Adam McKay directed an Oscar movie! Well,
Awards Season loves movies based on true stories with overacting and ‘letting
oneself go’ in the role. McKay told
everyone to gain some weight and look more sloppy, so the actors were
happy. I thought this movie was fascinating, and it did a good job of trying to explain the mortgage crisis and how it caused the economic collapse, but man - it's still really confusing, and just made me really angry at the banks.
9.
Room (4 nominations) “After five-year-old Jack and his mother escape from the enclosed
surroundings that Jack has known his entire life, the boy makes a thrilling
discovery.” Holy crap was this movie depressing, like a heavy drama version of Unbreakable
Kimmy Schmidt (Pinot Noir!). I will say that Brie Larson's performance was exceptional. The entire story is told from the point of view of the kid, which is annoying - but also gives the movie an entirely new level that pushes it over the top - I don't think it would have the buzz it has if it was told from the mother's point of view. Half the movie is them stuck in the room, half is after they escape (spoiler alert - they escape), when Jack is attempting to acclimate to the real world. Depressing, horrific, upsetting, and really well done.
10.
The Danish Girl (4 nominations) “A fictitious love story loosely inspired by
the lives of Danish artists Lili Elbe and Gerda Wegener. Lili and Gerda’s marriage and work evolve as
they navigate Lili’s groundbreaking journey as a transgender pioneer.” Again,
Oscars love loosely-based-on-a-true-life-event movies, and this one is no
exception. Eddie Redmayne may get his
second award in as many years.
11.
Brooklyn (3 nominations) “An Irish immidgrant lands in 1950s Brooklyn, where she quickly falls
into a romance with a local. When her
past catches up with her, however, she must choose between two countries and
the lives that exist within.” It
seems to me the best reason to see this one is to brag to your friends that you
know how to pronounce Saoirse Ronan’s name. It’s “Sayer-sha”, Gaelic is
weird. I did see this and honestly, it's one of the most boring movies I've seen in a really long time. She leaves Ireland - gets settled in the U.S., meets a boy, goes back home to Ireland, where her friends and family try to get her to stay, but then one of them upsets her and she goes back to the U.S. It's really long, and not much happens. Essentially the point is Ronan's performance, which is good - but man, the movie is slow. Also - the drama that the IMDB tagline hints at never really happens - her past doesn't really "catch up with her", and her 'choice' didn't seem all that drastic.
12.
Sicario (3 nominations) “An idealistic FBI agent is elisted by a government task force to aid
in the escalating war against drugs at the border area between the U.S. and
Mexico.” Benecio del Toro and Emily
Blunt star in this gritty action/drama.
I haven’t seen it yet, but I will go ahead and support Blunt’s continued
push toward’s action stardom.
13.
The Hateful Eight (3 nominations) “In the dead of a Wyoming winter, a bounty
hunter and his prisoner find shelter in a cabin currently inhabited by a
collection of nefarious characters.” A typical Quentin Tarantino movie – or
at least a typical set up. Again – I’m
not really a fan of his, so I didn’t see this in the theater, but I’ll probably
catch it on DVD – again, it’s almost three hours long, longer if you saw the
version with the intermission. Set up
like a play, it allows some Tarantino regulars to play against one another in
one room for a while.
14.
Ex Machina (2 nominations) “A young programmer is selected to participate in a ground-breaking
experiment in synthetic intelligence by evaluating the human qualities of a
breath-taking humanoid A.I.” Easily
my biggest surprise of the year, I loved this.
It is such a quiet and tight little movie that really relies on the
performances to tell a great sci-fi tale.
Also – Oscar Isaac has a weird beard and a dance number.
15.
Inside Out (2 nominations) “After young Riley is uprooted from her Midwest life and moved to San
Francisco, her emotions – Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust and Sadness – conflict on
how best to navigate a new house, city, and school.” I saw this, and it was okay, but it’s Pixar pulling on your heart strings the
way only they know how. It’s well done,
but honestly, shouldn’t we remove the animated category from the Oscars? Pixar
just wins almost every year. If the category is
removed, then whatever they release, if good enough, can be nominated for best
film.
16.
Steve Jobs (2 nominations) “Steve Jobs takes us behind the scenes of the digital revolution, to
paint a portrait of the man at its epicenter. The story unfolds backstage at
three iconic product launches, ending in 1998 with the unveiling of the iMac.” I can’t remember how many other Steve Jobs
movies there are, so I’m not sure we really needed another one, but since this
once focused exclusively on three specific product launches to tell its story,
it’s different than the others…or so they say.
17.
Creed (1 nomination) “The former World Heavyweight Champion Rocky Balboa serves as a trainer
and mentor to Adonis Johnson, the son of his late friend and former rival,
Apollo Creed.” Another one on my
list! I was shocked by how much I liked
this movie. I expected Michael B. Jordan
to be great, especially when paired with his Fruitvale Station director Ryan
Coogler. However, I was not expecting
the exceptional performance that Stallone gave.
It was a surprise.
18.
Joy (1 nomination) “Joy is the story of the title character, who rose to become founder
and matriarch of a powerful family business dynasty.” Yet another David O. Russell/Jennifer
Lawrence December release to gain some Oscar nominations. This one has gotten lower reviews than the
other two (Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle). Maybe enough that he won’t give us another
one next year?
19.
Spectre (1 nomination) “A cryptic message from Bond’s past sends him on a trail to uncover a
sinister organization. While M battles political forces to keep the secret
service alive, Bond peels back the layers of deceit to reveal the terrible
truth behind SPECTRE.” I keep going back and forth as to whether or not I
liked this movie. There were pieces that
I loved – and pieces I didn’t. Since
it’s on my best list – I’ll leave the loved for below, and mention that Craig
looks bored at best and irritated at worst during this very wooden
performance. Also – the movie criminally
underuses the magnificence that is Monica Belluci, and reduces the other Bond
girl to just another Bond girl even though she starts out as independent. It seems one of Bond’s super-powers is
removing a woman’s independence.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu4kFqmv3RM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu4kFqmv3RM
20.
Straight Outta Compton (1 nomination) “The group NWA emerges from the mean streets
of Compton in Los Angeles, California, in the mid-1980s and revolutionizes Hip
Hop culture with their music and tales about life in the hood.” I was
surprised by how much I enjoyed this one as well. It’s definitely a movie, not
a documentary, and there are some liberties taken with the truth. It's definitely well put together – and absolutely humanizes the members
of the group that was demonized by the media at the time.
Now, Here are my 20 favorite of the year, again – by no
means the best quality, but my favorites…the ones I enjoyed the most.
1.
Star Wars: the Force Awakens: Just my favorite
thing of the year – so much fun, so well done.
Yes, it feels the same as Episode IV, but honestly, I liked that about
it. I liked the inclusion of the Legacy
characters and the introduction of the new characters. Poe is fun, Finn is fantastic – but Rey….Rey
is everything. She is a fantastic action
star, an amazing Jedi-to-be, and helps to make Star Wars the mainstream madness
that it has always deserved to be. If I
could only tell my younger self that not only would it someday be cool to like
Star Wars, but that there would be a badass girl leading the Star Wars universe…
amazing. I cannot wait to see what happens next.
2.
Ant-Man “Armed
with a super-suit with the astonishing ability to shrink in scale but increase
in strength, cat burglar Scott Lang must embrace his inner hero and help his
mentor, Dr. Hank Pym, plan and pull off a heist that will save the world.” Of
the two Marvel movies this year – this is the one I preferred. I really enjoyed
this quirky little movie. The action was
great, the characters were great, and I really loved the heist-nature of the
story. I also loved the side characters
– and that giant ant that just starts running around at the end.
3.
Jurassic World “A new theme park is built on the original site of Jurassic Park. Everything is going well until the park’s
newest attraction – a genetically modified giant stealth killing machine –
escapes containment and goes on a killing spree.” Thin on plot but high on CGI dinosaur
action. I loved this. It’s a fantastic popcorn movie. I definitely missed the practical nature of
the dinosaur effects from the first Jurassic Park – when they are entirely CGI,
you do miss a bit; however, I would watch Blue and her pack of raptors on their
own adventures in a heartbeat. Blue was
amazing! Also – I really need to get a pair of those shoes that Bryce Dallas
Howard had, if you can outrun a TRex in them, clearly they are amazing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73dPzpQ-qsU
4.
Avengers Age Of Ultron “When Tony Stark and Bruce Banner try to jump-start a dormant
peacekeeping program called Ultron, things go horribly wrong and it’s up to
Earth’s Mightiest heroes to stop the villainous Ultron from enacting his
terrible plans.” Tony is just
constantly making things more difficult for the other Avengers. This one suffered a bit from
too-much-syndrome. Probably too much on
the action scenes, maybe too much on the characters, and maybe just a bit too
much on the amount of robots in the finale.
But – it’s still great fun and I’ll never get tired of seeing a bunch of
Marvel heroes on screen together. Plus –
Vision was fantastic.
5.
Spy “A
desk-bound CIA analyst volunteers to go undercover to infiltrate the world of a
deadly arms dealer, and prevent diabolical global disaster.” I don’t care
what Damon is science-ing – this was far and away the best comedy of the
year. Melissa McCarthy is always funny,
but what stole the movie for me was Jason Statham as her sidekick. Absolutely hilarious – please franchise this!
6.
Ex Machina: “A
young programmer is selected to participate in a ground-breaking experiment in
synthetic intelligence by evaluating the human qualities of a breath-taking
humanoid A.I.” Alicia Vikander’s
super-creepy performance of the machine working its way towards being human is
just amazing. Creepy, weird, small, quiet, and really interesting.
7.
Trainwreck “Having
thought that monogamy was never possible, a commitment-phobic career woman may
have to face her fears when she meets a good guy.” The second best comedy of the year with a
surprisingly hilarious role from LeBron James. If you like Amy Schumer’s stand
up or Comedy Central show, you’ll love this.
If you have no idea who she is, but enjoy a quality R-rated comedy with
a surprising amount of heart now and then, you’ll love this. If you like seeing Tilda Swinton surprise you
by playing a very un-Tilda-Swinton character, you’ll love this. If you like John Cena and want to see him in
more movies, you’ll love this. Honestly – it’s pretty hilarious, chances are
you’ll love it.
8.
Mission Impossible Rogue Nation “Ethan and team take on their most
impossible mission yet, eradicating the Syndicate – an Internation rogue
organization as highly skilled as they are, committed to destroying the IMF.”
A really high-quality action movie where that insane plane stunt from the
trailers is in the cold-open. Tom Cruise
cares about delivering entertaining popcorn flicks, and it shows. This movie is big time fun, and really
watchable. Plus – Rebecca Ferguson is
fantastic as a female operative equal to Ethan Hunt – she’s everything that
Bond movies refuse to include…
9.
Kingsman: the Secret Service: “A spy organization recruits an unrefined,
but promising street kid into the agency’s ultra-competitive training program,
just as a global threat emerges from a twisted tech genius.” Second best
Surprise of the year. Not knowing
anything about this other than I like movies directed by Matthew Vaughn, I was
really pleasantly surprised. It’s silly,
over-the-top, nonstop action. I’ve never
laughed so hard at multiple heads exploding! Plus, Samuel L. Jackson with a
silly lisp!
10.
Furious 7: “Deckard
Shaw seeks revenge against Dominic Toretto and his family for his comatose
brother.” They can keep making these, and I will keep seeing them. One of the only summer tent-pole movies with
a global and diverse cast – it provides exactly what it promises – big time
action sequences with cars. And, a
surprisingly touching and sweet send-off for Paul Walker.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sEN3hj4orE
11.
Creed: “The
former World Heavyweight Champion Rocky Balboa serves as a trainer and mentor
to Adonis Johnosn, the son of his late friend and former rival, Apollo Creed”.
Again – an amazing performance from an aging Stallone who is now the same age
that Burgess Meredith was in the first Rocky.
Yes, just think about that for a minute.
Michael B. Jordan is amazing, and will win an Oscar someday, but not for
this – this one is Stallone’s as Rocky deals with the surprising appearance of
Apollo’s kid and his own declining health and advancing age.
12.
Man from U.N.C.L.E.: “In the early 1960s, CIA agent Napoleon Solo and KGB operative Illya
Kuryakin participate in a joint mission against a mysterious criminal
organization, which is working to proliferate nuclear weapons.” I enjoyed Henry Cavill in this more than in
any other movie I have seen him in. This
ultra-slick spy was tailor made for him, and almost made me want him to be the
next Bond (only if Idris Elba is too busy with his side-career as a DJ), which would
be more in line with the Moore version.
It’s also the first movie that seems to have a clue what to do with
Armie Hammer, who seems to have been a puzzle for Hollywood up to this
point. There were a few odd moments, but
honestly, I really enjoyed this, the quick banter, the action, and especially
Elizabeth Debicki’s villain. She was
easily the best part.
13.
Mad Max Fury Road: “A woman rebels against tyrannical rules in post-apocalyptic Australia
in search for her home-land with the help of a group of female prisoners, a
psychotic worshipper, and a drifter named Max”. Again – I loved the visual
nature of this movie. There’s almost no
plot, but I enjoyed it for Furiosa’s complete owning of the situation,
determination in saving the ladies that were being kept as basically pets, and
for the fact that director George Miller (who did the original Mad Max) hired
Cirque du Soleil performers and Olympic athletes to pull off the crazy
car-related stunts. Yes those are real
people swinging back and forth on those poles.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RXhcqdewf0
14.
Pitch Perfect 2: “After a humiliating command performance at the Kennedy Center, the
Barden Bellas enter an international competition that no American group has
ever won in order to regain their status and right to perform.” This is pretty much a movie where the plot is
unimportant. Elizabeth Banks directs all
the Bellas from the first movie and a couple of new ones in new acapella
nonsense with plenty of improv scenes.
And it’s hilarious.
15.
Spectre: “A
cryptic message from Bond’s past sends him on a trail to uncover a sinister
organization. While M battles political forces to keep the secret service
alive, Bond peels back the layers of deceit to reveal the terrible truth behind
SPECTRE.” As I said above, pieces of this movie I loved, pieces I
hated. I loved the throwback feel, bringing
in Waltz in as Blofeld was fantastic. I
loved that M, Moneypenny, and Q had some out-of-the-office action moments, and
I loved the inclusion of Andrew Scott as M’s new nemesis, C.
16.
Run All Night: “Mobster and hit man Jimmy Conlon has one night to figure out where his
loyalties lie: with his estranged son, Mike, whose life is in danger, or his
longtime best friend, mob boss Shawn Maguire, who wants Mike to pay for the
death of his own son.” Here we have
Liam Neeson doing what Liam Neeson does best.
Pairing him with Ed Harris as his best friend turned nemesis was a
brilliant movie, and finally a movie that figures out what to do with Joel
Kinneman. He’s great in this as Neeson’s
son caught in a sticky situation. Also
great? Common as a random hit man with no beard. Common looks weird with no beard.
17.
Terminator Genisys. “When John Connor, leader of the human resistance, sends Sgt. Kyle
Reese back to 1984 to protect Sarah Connor and safeguard the future, an
unexpected turn of events creates a fractured timeline.” Okay, here we get down to the movies that we
can argue about. This one was obviously
not a great movie, and certainly nowhere near the greatness of the original, or
even the sequel. I had very, very (very)
low expectations, so I think there was enough good in it to win me over. I liked the idea of Sarah being rescued by
the T-800 when she was little, so that he basically raised her. I liked Emilia
Clarke as a young Linda Hamilton, I didn’t mind Jason Clarke as John Connor
(although I’m still pissed at the marketing for ruining the big twist in the trailers). Schwarzenegger is just Schwarzenegger, and
yes – his one-liners are wearing a bit thin, but I did enjoy his ‘old’
terminator. Jai Courtney, as much as I
want to be a fan of his, is still wooden, and it would seem that no one is
really sure how to use him best.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXjz_G6FUrg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXjz_G6FUrg
18.
Crimson Peak: “In the aftermath of a family tragedy, an aspiring author is torn
between love for her childhood friend and the temptation of a mysterious
outsider. Trying to escape the ghosts of
her past, she is swept away to a house that breathes, bleeds, and remembers.”
Here we have Guillermo del Toro’s gothic romance, and in a summer/fall of
reboots, sequels, and relaunches – it was nice to see something original. It’s a romance with a ghost in it, not
necessarily a ghost story. What makes it
wonderful are del Toro’s visuals, which are stunning as always.
19.
Last Witch Hunter: “The last witch hunter is all that stands between humanity and the
combined forces of the most horrifying witches in history.” Okay, yes, this one is just straight up
bad. But, what can I say – from time to
time I enjoy a terrible movie, especially one with a great deal of Vin Diesel
and Michael Caine over-acting. Plus,
Elijah Wood was pretty great.
20.
San Andreas : “In the aftermath of a massive earthquake in California, a
rescue-chopper pilot makes a dangerous journey with his ex-wife across the
state in order to rescue his daughter.” – Honestly, this movie is also terrible
– but it’s a completely cliché-ridden, CGI Spectacle, over-the-top, piece-of-nonsense-style
terrible that is actually fun to watch. And I do mean cliché-ridden. It has every single disaster-flick cliché that
you can think of. Plus – the Rock – always
a good thing. And Paul Giamatti trying to warn everyone about earthquakes and
redeem his terrible reputation from Straight Outta Compton. Also - Ioan Gruffudd plays the terrible new
boyfriend/stepfather figure.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXCCFh--NAE
And, just because it’s always fun for me to vent about what
I hated – here is the bottom of last year,
1.
Fantastic Four: “Four young outsiders teleport to an alternate and dangerous universe
which alters their physical form in shocking ways. The four must learn to
harness their new abilities and work together to save Earth from a former
friend turned enemy.” – The reality is that Mortedecai is probably the
worst movie of the year, but I’m giving this one the title mainly because I was
just so incredibly disappointed. It was
burdened by bad word of mouth and a truly troubled production from the start. Dr.
Doom is one of the most amazing villains in Marvel history, and he’s completely
butchered in this movie. Which is a
shame, because I thought Toby Koebbel was a good choice. Michael B. Jordan tries – he does, but
everything else is terrible.
TERRIBLE. It’s dark and moody
when it’s a movie about Marvel’s first family, who are usually pretty light and
entertaining. The scene where the
characters first get their powers is scary and something out of a horror film.
Also – Reed leaves his family in the hands of the government for a year, which
he would never do. Also – Ben was always
the pilot, not just a friend. It’s
physically painful to sit through all this mess and wasted potential. Hey, Fox,
please sell the rights to this back to Marvel, and let them make a good movie
out of their property.
2.
Mortedecai: “Juggling
angry Russians, the British Mi5, and an international terrorist, debonair art
dealer and part time rogue Charlie Mortdecai races to recover a stolen painting
rumored to contain a code that leads to lost Nazi gold.” Another nearly
physically painful movie. Depp again
attempts to disappear into a character that is initially presented as a
complete imbecile, managing to stay alive only with the assistance of
his…man-servant? However, we’re then
supposed to accept that he is a talented art historian, and that his wife loves
him – however Paltrow’s performance is seething with so much superiority, that
at no point did I believe she loved her husband, or gave a damn about anyone in
the movie besides herself. Also – the movie
wasted Paul Bettany. Hey, Bettany – stop
being in movies with Jonny Depp. The
Tourist, Transcendence, and now this – he’s lying to you when he says he’s got
a good one for you.
3.
Get Hard: “When
millionaire James King is jailed for fraud and boung for San Quentin, he turns
to Darnell Lewis to prep him to go behind bars.” Here’s more wasted
potential – Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart should be a hilarious pairing, but
sheesh, this was an un-funny mess. It
may have been better to just let them improv the whole movie, never mind the
script – which was more insulting than funny.
4.
Transporter Refueled: “In the south of France, a former special-ops mercenary Frank Martin
enters into a game of chess with a femme-fatale and her three sidekicks who are
looking for revenge against a sinister Russian kingpin.” Here we have a useless reboot. The first Transporter gave us Jason Statham,
and is not nearly old enough to warrant giving us a reboot – especially with
such an un-charismatic lead. At least
Ray Stevenson was fun, but he comes off like he’s in an entirely different
movie.
5.
Pixels: “When
aliens misinterpret video feeds of classic arcade games as a declaration of
war, they attack the Earth in the form of the video games”. Another movie that suffers from a huge waste
of potential. The idea that invading
aliens take on the appearance and powers of 80s videogames could be a hilarious
and interesting movie – instead, we get an Adam Sandler movie that is bad even
by Adam Sandler movie standards. Kevin
James is the president, for some inexplicable reason, and Josh Gad and Peter
Dinklage round out the ‘stars’. Michelle
Moghnahan is in the movie, as Sandler’s love interest…and their interactions
are straight up horrific. To say there’s a lack of chemistry is not coming
close. Women are repeatedly treated as
nothing more than trophies – literally and figuratively. Here’s the one positive thing – the graphics
are fantastic. Watch the short film the
movie was based on instead – it’s far superior.
6.
Sleeping with Other People: “A good-natured womanizer and a serial cheater form a platonic
relationship that helps reform them in ways, while a mutual attraction sets
in.” I think this one is on this
list as the fault of the marketing team.
It was advertised as a hilarious comedy, and features some comedians
that I really enjoy. However, I would
classify it more as a dramedy –with touches of drama mixed in to the comedy. It’s certainly well performed, mostly, but
it’s not as funny as I wanted it to be, and the two leads are such terrible
people that I never really felt invested in any of the characters. Correct that – I liked Jason Mantsoukas’s
character, but he’s in the movie for about 5 minutes.
7.
Hot Tub Time Machine 2: “When Lou finds himself in trouble, Nick and Jacob fire up the hot tub
time machine in an attempt to get back to the past. But they inadvertently land
in the future with Adam Jr. Now they
have to alter the future in order to save the past- which is really the
present..” Even more insulting and juvenile than the first!
8.
Minions: “Stuart,
Kevin and Bob are recruited by Scarlet Overkill, a super-villain who, alongside
her inventor husband Herb, hatces a plot to take over the world.” More proof that the minions are the best part
of the Despicable Me movies, mainly because they are side characters – not the
leads. Also – this movie is confused, the soundtrack was 60s rock, too old for
the target audience and still too old for the parents of the target
audience.
9.
Secret In Their Eyes: “A tight-knit team of rising investigators, along with their supervisor,
is suddenly torn apart when they discover that one of their own teenage
daughters has been brutally murdered.”
A remake of a Spanish movie starring Chiwetel Ejiofor, Julia Roberts,
and the plastic-surgery enthusiast that used to be Nicole Kidman. The story was interesting, but really could
have been so much better. It’s basically
Ejiofor getting obsessed about the murder of Roberts’s daughter, and spending
13 years chasing down the killer – only to find out that it was a waste of
time. I wanted this movie to take a
different turn, and let Roberts turn into a vigilante killer of sleezeballs,
which would have been way more interesting, and let her stretch a bit, but
instead, it gets quiet and still and a little boring.
10.
Focus: “In
the midst of veteran con man Nicky’s latest scheme, a woman from his past – now
an accomplished femme fatale – shows up and throws his plans for a loop.” Will
Smith and Margot Robbie circle each other while trying to rob lots of people,
with the assistance of the Discount Double Check Guy. Another movie where the leads were so
terrible I just couldn’t get behind any of them as the ‘hero’ of the movie. I
didn’t want any of them to get away with what they were doing. It’s a shame,
because the cast was good – but man, it just got boring – again, one of the biggest
cinematic crimes.
There you have it – my summation of 2015 movies. I hope you
enjoyed it. Did I miss any? Did I put
anything in the wrong spot? I have to
say, there were a lot of good ones this year, and I’m really looking forward to
a lot of good ones in 2016 as well.
