Retro Movie Review: Haywire (R – 93 minutes) originally written January 22nd, 2012.

Here’s another old review I found, for a movie I really liked that is now instant streaming in most places – check it out if you haven’t seen it!

Here's something you may not know...January and the early part of February is (for the most part) used by movie production companies as a dumping ground.  People are recovering from the holidays, don't have much money, and don't go to the movies as much.  Also - it's awards season, so the companies have either re-released or are still pushing everything that has been nominated, most of those movies were just released in late December, and now have awards-season buzz, so have a little more 'legs'.  So anytime something is a new release in January - you shouldn't have high hopes.   Season of the Witch, The Mechanic, and the Green Hornet were all in early last year, and Legion was the year before. 

Now, if you enjoy cheesy bad movies (like I do - I'm watching Snow Beast on SyFy as I type, and it is delightfully terrible) this is all good news for you, and remember, just because the production company has no faith in it, does not mean it won't be popular with the general audience.  I just can't think of any examples right now.  So, last weekend was Contraband, this weekend saw the release of Haywire, Red Tails, and Underworld: Awakening, and next weekend is Man On A Ledge.  

It is surprising to find Haywire in January - on paper, it should be excellent.  It is directed by Steven Soderbergh (Contagion, The Informant, Oceans 11,12,13, Traffic, Out of Sight, Solaris, The Good German) and has a really impressive supporting cast:  Michael Douglas, Antonio Banderas, Ewan McGregor, Michael Fassbender, Bill Paxton, and Channing Tatum.  Apparently Soderbergh saw MMA star Gina Carano fighting and decided to craft a movie around her.  Previous to this movie - her only on-camera work was the televised fights she had, and a stint as "Crush" on the re-vamp of American Gladiators.  So her acting experience is basically nothing.  In this movie she plays an ex-marine who is currently working for a privately contracted security group. 

As far as the plot - she gets betrayed by her employer and looks for revenge.  Simple and sweet.  In fact, Jimmy Fallon described it as a Charles Bronson style movie.  Carano excels at the action sequences - any extended dialogue, and her lack of acting experience shows.  The movie is very slick and very deliberate, to the point of being slow in the beginning. The music is strange, and seems to distract from the movie early on, but then starts to fit in an odd way.  The coloring is very deliberate as well, reminding me of Traffic - how each color represents a different area.  The fight sequences are all very well done - and feel very real - no big flashy martial arts, just concise MMA takedown actions. 

All the cast surrounding Carano are very good - as to be expected. 

• Carano plays Mallory Kane and could easily have a future in movies, she looked completely at ease in all the action sequences, and with practice, could eventually look at ease in talky sequences.  I have to say that it was really fantastic to have a female character who is strong just because without an elaborate man-related reason.  She was a marine - period. 

• Channing Tatum has a small role as Aaron, and proves once again that there is more to him that you think there is.  He’s certainly capable, and while he has very little to do, he seems very natural.

• Michael Douglas is always good, and plays Alex Coblenz who seems to be the head of the CIA or some other government agency.  He exudes carefully crafted sleeze.

• Antonio Banderas plays Rodrigo, and honestly, I would watch a prequel to this that explained the unique relationship between Rodrigo and Coblenz.  He’s perfect in this and has a fantastic final scene.

• Ewan McGregor plays Kenneth, and it’s pretty understated for him, but certainly diabolical.  He manipulates those around him with a straightforward business sense.  When Kane finally tracks him down on the beach – awesome.

• Michael Fassbender plays Paul, who is the other agent paired up with Kane for their little assignment.  There is an amazing fight sequence between the two in their hotel room.

• The super fantastic Bill Paxton plays Bill Paxton as Kane’s father.  He has some great scenes as Kenneth’s crew track Kane to his house.

I really enjoyed how stylized and slick-looking the movie was - but I feel like that will be polarizing - some will like it, some won't.  It also moves much slower than the commercials made it looks like it does, so that will play on audiences too.  All in all, I really liked it - so much more than I was expecting, and I liked Carano more than I was expecting as well...Maybe she will be the next Cynthia Rothrock!  And - I can get behind her as Wonder Woman...if she takes a few more acting classes! 

8 out of 10 - really really liked it.  Taking away a point for the deer - and that kid in the car.  Added a point for Fassbender (insert penis joke here - unless you haven't seen Shame yet).  Took another point away for an unnecessary broach flashback.  We remember when he handed it to her - it was like two scenes ago!!

Bonus Video 1: Honor and Glory is my favorite Cynthia Rothrock movie, unfortunately, I cannot find that trailer for you to be amazed by it's magnificence (sarcasm).  But here's the trailer to China O'Brien.  You get the idea.

Bonus Video 2: ...and here's some fights from Honor and Glory, so you really get the idea. 

Bonus Video 3:  Super Cheesy video of Carano on American Gladiators.

Bonus Video 4:  Cast interviews

Movie Review: Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters (PG - 106 minutes)

The 5 Percy Jackson & the Olympians novels are written by Rick Riordan with the first one being published in 2005.  They center around Percy Jackson, a teenager who finds out he is the son of Poseidon, god of the sea.  He moves to Camp Half-Blood where other demi-gods are raised, since apparently Greek gods love having kids, but then never communicate with them.  Percy makes friends and ends up going on some epic adventures.  It is very similar to the Harry Potter series.  The first book, Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief was turned into a movie in 2010, and was directed by Chris Colombus, who had directed some Harry Potter films.

It was light and fun and starred Logan Lerman, Brandon T. Jackson, and Alexandra Daddario, and some fun small roles for big time actors.  They each had one or very few scenes, making their appearances almost cameos.  Sean Bean, Pierce Brosnan, Steve Coogan, Rosario Dawson, Melina Kanakaredes, and Kevin McKidd all played supernatural beings, while Catherine Keener played Percy’s mom.  The movie, while being a mild success here, was a huge success overseas, allowing for the second book to be made into a movie. 

The second movie is directed by Thor Freundenthal (who, as opposed to being a Viking, which is what you assumed he was when you read that name, is actually a director of kids movies, including Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Hotel for Dogs) finds Percy still living at Camp Half-Blood, and still hanging with Grover, the satyr, and Annabeth (daughter of Athena).  Things are going fairly well, except that everyone at the camp seems to think that Percy’s success in finding the Lightning Thief last time was a fluke and he’s locked in a bit of a popularity contest with Clarisse, the daughter of Ares.  Suddenly, the magic barrier protecting the camp (sustained by Thalia’s tree – a tree that is growing out of the fallen body of Zues’s daughter Thalia) has come under attack, poisoned.  This means that various monsters can now attack the camp.  The decision is made to send a group on a quest to find the Golden Fleece (which is lost in the Sea of Monsters – what humans call the Bermuda Triangle).  The group is Clarisse and her cronies, not Percy and his crew.  Percy and his pals take off after the fleece anyway, and encounter some craziness along the way; including Hermes, giant sea monsters, and a Cyclops with Ron Perlman’s voice.

Much of the cast from the first movie is back – at least on the kid end of the scale. 

• Logan Lerman returns as Percy, proving he won’t get swept up in only being in indie movies like Perks of Being a Wallflower.  After all, he was the gamer in Gamer, and the son in the newest 3:10 to Yuma.  He’s good in this, charming and engaging.

• Alexandra Daddario is back as Annabeth, and while I know her best as “Kate” from White Collar, she has done some other things.  She’s pretty and capable.  She does a good job being prejudiced against cyclopses (cyclopsi?) in this movie, until she learns that they are not all bloodthirsty killers.

• Brandon T. Jackson returns as Gover the Satyr.  I’m still not clear on why he uses crutches when in his human disguise, and he does get kidnapped pretty easily.  Jackson is all charm all the time and easily one of the most watchable pieces of this movie.

• Jake Abel again plays Luke, the villainous son of Hermes – spoilers, he was the Lightning Thief in the previous story.  He’s very angular, and comes off as very angry – but his reasons for being angry are never really explained well, I think he’s just upset his father won’t talk to him.  Maybe if I read the books that’s explained better.  Well, in this movie he’s got a yacht, and some scary pets in his own personal quest to raise Cronos, the king of the Titans, and father of Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades (that’s the exact same thing Ares was attempting to do in the Wrath of the Titans).

• Leven Rambin is new as Clarisse, bossy, bitchy, and completely full of herself.  That is exactly what you would expect from the daughter of the god of war, so well-done on her part.
• Anthony Stewart Head steps in as Chiron, who he plays as basically Giles as a Centaur.  No complaints on that, that is what you want to see him do.  At no point does he sing.
• Stanley Tucci plays Mr. D who is really Dionysus, the greek god of wine, who is apparently on punishment from Zeus and forced to run the camp.  He’s fun, and throws a bit of the old Tucci charm into a small role.  I did enjoy that his curse is that he can no longer enjoy wine, every time he pours it – it turns to water;  prompting him to say to someone, “You know, the Christians have a guy who can do this trick in reverse.”  Clever and very funny!

• Douglas Smith plays Tyson, Percy’s suddenly discovered Cyclops half-brother.   The CGI one eye is pretty effective, and very creepy.  I did enjoy his jovial attitude towards just about everything. 

• Nathan Fillion is in this movie very briefly and steals the one scene that he is in.  He plays Hermes, and has a staff with two snakes voiced by Octavia Spencer and Craig Robinson.  He also is running a UPS-like store for transportation of things here and there.  He really seems to enjoy his bit of business and adds a brightness to the center of the film. 

All in  all the movie is not going to win any awards, but it’s certainly entertaining.  I have always found Greek Mythology fascinating, and this is a really clever way to re-invigorate these characters.  I really enjoyed the first movie, and I really enjoyed this one too.  A simple story, some fun effects, and some good performances – a fun movie.

7 out of 10.  Gained points for Ron Perlman, even if it was just his voice.  Lost points for that crazy spinning obstacle course thing the kids have to do – that cannot be safe.  Gained points for the crazy big sea monster.  Lost points for Clarisse piloting a confederate warship.  Gained points for the three Stygian Witches (Mary Birdsong, Yvette Nicole Brown, and Missie Pyle) driving a cab with their one eye.

Bonus Video 1:  Brandon T. Jackson in Tropic Thunder – remember, it’s his performance that helps to ground RDJ’s crazy.

Bonus Video 2:  Logan Lerman was D’Artangnan in this version of the Three Musketeers (which was not as good as the one with Kiefer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, and Oliver Platt.

Bonus Video 3: Cast Interviews

Movie Review: The World’s End (R – 109 minutes)

A Cornetto is a delicious UK ice cream treat.  I would compare them to Drumsticks here in the states. 

What do they have to do with this movie?  Almost nothing, except that The World’s End is the third movie in the “Cornetto Flavour Trilogy” by Edgar Wright, featuring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.  The name comes from director Wright slipping a cornetto into each movie.  Shaun of the Dead features a strawberry Cornetto – mimicking the movie’s bloody theme:

Hot Fuzz features the blue-wrapped original Cornetto – to mimic the police uniforms.

And The World’s End features a mint – green Cornetto – to mimic the alien theme.   Of the three movies, Shaun of the Dead is still my favorite, followed closely by Hot Fuzz, and that puts The World’s End in number three. 

The World’s End features Pegg as Gary King, a hopeless alcoholic who suddenly realizes in therapy that his life will never get better than that one night after graduating high school when he and his four best mates attempted the “Golden Mile”, a pub crawl featuring 12 pubs, and having a pint at each.  They never finished that night, so Gary decides to get the group back together to try it one more time.  Each of the other members of the group are more than a little irritated at the suggestion, as they now all have respectable lives and jobs.  One by one, he convinces them, and they head back to their old hometown.   For the first few pubs, they are successful, then things start to go awry.

And by go awry, I of course mean that they learn the town has been taken over by alien robots who encourage the group to be ‘replaced’.  From that point on, the movie becomes a flurry of drinking, robot-battling, emotional friendship discussions, and a large final climatic face-off with the head of the alien ‘Network’. 

Wright is a very good comedic director, who also has the ability to shoot crazy big action sequences on par with Michael Bay – or at least on par with Brett Ratner.  The difference in Wright is that he can also tell a good story with plausible depth.  This movie could be over-the-top and completely ridiculous, and don’t get me wrong, in some places it is.  However, it also has some beautifully tender moments that delve into the friendship between the main characters.

The advantage to any movie like this is the real-life friendship of the cast (also, I love the fact that the filmmakers named each of the characters with the last name that reflects their role in the group):

Simon Pegg plays Gary King – the most outlandish of any of Pegg’s characters.  He looks bizzare with black hair, but plays the refusing-to-grow-up King with commitment.  He is more talented than any of us realize, and someday will be amazing in some Oscar-y type drama.  However, in the meantime, we get to keep enjoying him as new Scotty.
Nick Frost plays Andy Knightley – and is very straightlaced and buttoned-up until finally getting loose with Gary.  It is very interesting to see him play this character.  He keeps mentioning to Gary that he hasn’t had a drink since ‘the accident’, and when they finally have it out over that issue, it’s a scene that reminds you how good they both are.

Martin Freeman plays Oliver Chamberlain who (spoilers) is the first one of the group to be absorbed and replaced.  He’s fantastic, from the Office to Sherlock, get on this guy’s bandwagon.

Rosamund Pike plays Sam Chamberlain providing two Die Another Day connections in this movie as Pierce Brosnan also shows up as the former guidance counselor from the school.  She is strong and capable and does a good job as the only woman central character in this male-driven movie.
Paddy Considine plays Steven Prince who gets to compete with Gary for the affections of Sam, Oliver’s sister.  He has some good moments, including driving a car through a hole in the wall at the Hole in The Wall pub.

Eddie Marsan plays Peter Page and gets one fantastic scene where he beats up the bully that picked on him in school.  He also begins to doze off while some serious exposition is happening.

I thought this movie was very entertaining, and I did enjoy it.  It just so happens that I liked the other two movies more.  I think this one, like those, will grow on me with repeated viewings.  There are many, many, many in-jokes and references.  The fence gag always cracks me up – and that’s one of the obvious ones.  There are several subtle references to the other movies, as well as the fact that Gary’s opening monologue about what happened the first time they tried the Golden Mile almost perfectly parallels what happens to them the second time.  I really like Edgar Wright as a director (he could be the only person to get me excited about an Ant Man movie), and I love watching Pegg and Frost play together.  This movie is fun, fast, and entertaining. 

7 out of 10;  Gained points for the fence gag, lost points for the end of this movie being the start of the TV show Revolution (I felt like the epilogue made no sense, what is Gary doing?  Roving from town to town with his blank buddies, randomly attacking pub owners?  Maybe I missed something.)  Gained points for the first fight with the robots in the bathroom, alternately exciting and hilarious.  Lost points for the twins, and for one of them putting on the other’s legs as arms – creepy. 

Bonus Video 1:  Edgar Wright’s non-Cornetto Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: epic and fun.

Bonus Video 2:  Pegg + Frost as the droids you were looking for.

Bonus Video 3: The honest trailer for Pegg's Into Darkness

Bonus Video 3:  Cast interviews.

2010 Year in Review

Here's another blog entry from an older random places.  I was going through and cleaning up those places and found this entry on the best/worst of 2010.  So here is some more flashback nonsense! Incidentally, my total for this EW list was 13, so this was one of my better totals in terms of Oscar movies.  Enjoy!

Once again, Entertainment Weekly (it, SyFy, and SI are the only magazines I need – I don’t read newsy ones, I get all my news from the Daily Show and BBC Nightly World News)  has published their list of the top 25 movies you need to see before Oscar Night.  With the Golden Globes this Sunday and the critic’s choice awards airing this week, it’s time to throw some unsolicited opinions out there. The ceremony takes place on Sunday, February 27 – so get your formalware ready.  This year I have seen 6, with immediate plans to see 3 more of them, either I’m getting better at seeing award movies, or the movies are getting more tolerable. 

 Here once again is their list followed by my list.  By all means, feel free to comment, agree and disagree – just my opinions after all! 

EW List:

1.  The Social Network – David Fincher directed Facebook origin story.  Haven’t seen it yet, seemed unnecessary to see it in the theaters, but will see it as soon as Netflix delivers it.
2.  The King’s Speech – Tom Hooper directed typical British based-on-a-true-story award movie.  Colin Firth is supposed to be excellent, as is Geoffrey Rush, who can do this and The Warrior’s Way in the same year.
3.  Inception – Christopher Nolan directed movie of the year, despite Leo.
4.  The Fighter – directed by David O. Russell and starring Marky Mark and Christian Bale – SI claims it is now the best boxing movie ever made – and one of the best sports films ever made, try to get past the super-thick Boston accents.

5.  Toy Story 3 – No thank you.  Supposed to be excellent, but I really did not enjoy the others, so this is a no for me.
6.  True Grit – a western good enough to make me break my Cohen Brothers ban – also features the best old west dentist ever, “I have relieved him of his teeth, but I will entertain offers for the rest of him...”  “...But we need shelter.”  “Well, I have my bear skin.”  Fantastic, doesn't mean that I will see any other Cohen Brothers movie.
7.  Black Swan – a movie talked about enough I broke my Darren Aronofsky ban (he director the Fountain - the worst movie I have ever seen). – worth it?  Did I like it?  Did I hate it?  Well, I saw it….about all I can say.  Natalie Portman should win Best Actress for it.  The rest – creepy, bizarre, weird, disturbing, insane…you should see it?  

8.  The Kids are All Right – Annette Benning and Julieanne Moore and Mark Ruffalo, didn’t see it….
127 Hours – Danny Boyle attempts to follow up Slumdog Millionaire by trapping James Franco under a rock...Something we've all wanted to do at one point or another.
9.  Winter’s Bone - An unflinching Ozark Mountain girl hacks through dangerous social terrain as she hunts down her drug-dealing father while trying to keep her family intact.  That sounds terrible (Jennifer Lawrence is really young and will probably be nominated).
10.  The Town – from the acclaimed director of Gone Baby Gone (Ben Affleck, yes that Ben Affleck), a gritty Bostony thriller – great top to bottom.  Affleck is great, Renner is great, and John Hamm is great.
11.  Rabbit Hole – Life for a happy couple is turned upside down after their young son dies in an accident.  Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart in a movie that seems to be made for the Awards Season.

12.  Another Year – A look at four seasons in the lives of a happily married couple and their relationships with their family and friends.  It was written by Mike Leigh, and that’s seriously all I know about it.  How random is that?  It sounds really boring.
13.  Get Low - A movie spun out of equal parts folk tale, fable and real-life legend about the mysterious, 1930s Tennessee hermit who famously threw his own rollicking funeral party... while he was still alive.  Robert Duvall and Bill Murray.  Nothing about this interests me.

14.  How to Train Your Dragon – my favorite animated movie of the year, followed closely by Despicable Me
15.  Blue Valentine – I don’t like Ryan Gosling (young Hercules) and I really don’t like Michelle Williams (the blond from Dawson’s Creek) so, no thank you.
16.  Biutiful – I let Pursuit of Happyness spell that wrong because of my love for Will Smith, but no way am I letting this pass.
17.  Animal Kingdom - Tells the story of seventeen year-old J (Josh) as he navigates his survival amongst an explosive criminal family and the detective who thinks he can save him.  Austrailian movie, sounds a bit intense for me.
18.  Waiting for “Superman” – Documentary about the public school system.
19.  Alice in Wonderland – Tim Burton and Johnny Depp – do you need to know more than that?  Oh wait, this time the pair took their crazy to 3D.
20.  The Girl With The Dragon Tatoo – the Swedish one, not the upcoming American version.  I read the book - and man, did I hate it.  I expect that I will hate the movie too.
21.  Inside Job - Takes a closer look at what brought about the financial meltdown.  I am not familiar with this - even though it stars Matt Damon.

22.  The Illusionist – wasn’t this a magician movie with Edward Norton and Jessica Biel that came out opposite the Nolan, Jackman, Bale Prestige a few years ago...Apparently this is a different one.
23.  Tangled – Disney’s latest princess.  This time with 3D hair!
24.  Burlesque – there’s at least one musical a year – why not one from  Cher and Xtina?  Featuring Stanely Tucci.

My Personal Opinion of the best of this year:

1.  Inception.  Thank God for Christopher Nolan…from Memento and the Prestige which are brilliant non-linear movies, to re-inventing the Superhero genre with Batman Begins and the Dark Knight the man has yet to make a bad movie.  He promised us he would make another Batman if we let him spend a year making a “truly original” movie, not based on a book – or a remake – or a sequel, something a little tough these days.  Inception is that.  It is hands-down the movie of the year.  Visually amazing, fantastically directed, beautifully acted….it’s everything movies should be and almost never are.  Easily the best movie of the year, hopefully will be rewarded as such.

2.  Tron Legacy.  I remember seeing the original Tron and being amazed at it.  It supposed a future in which mankind would be completely dependant and intertwined with computers and other technology.  Crazy, right?  It doesn’t really hold up anymore – remember special effects when we were young weren’t all that great (tempus fugit) and this sequel/update really makes use of today’s technology to produce something truly beautiful.  Okay, the story is average, but I could watch three hours solid of the light cycle or light jet sequences.  Jeff Bridges loved the first one so much  that he kept his original costume and was super excited about doing this one, both his role and playing himself 35 years younger which was both parts awesome and creepy.  If Disney is looking to update other gems they have in their past catalogue, please, please update Forbidden Planet.  That story is fantastic…and with today’s effects, and if some one re-wrote the role of the daughter (it was made in the 50s, so she’s insulting to today’s women).  Come on Disney….
3.  Expendables.  Everyone forgets that Sly Stallone wrote both Rocky and Saturday Night Fever…and that Rocky won the Oscar in 1976 for best Movie.  Now, I’m not claiming the Expendables was brilliantly written, but it did acknowledge the superpumped unreal action movies from the 80s that so many of us loved.  Sly talked to all his friends from the 80s and tried to get all of them in this movie…JCVD said no, Wesley Snipes said no, Segal was shooting Machete – but lots of others are in this movie.  The plot is thin, but you don’t need it…you’re seeing it for the action sequences and the ‘splosions.   And let’s be real, you’ve always wanted to see Jet Li fight Dolph Lundgren.  Hooray, and thanks Sly.
4.  the A-Team.  My brothers and I used to get in trouble during the summer for watching reruns of the A-team during the morning when we should be outside or doing chores.  But come on, that show was awesome…that theme music, the do-gooding, the montage in the middle where they built whatever they needed, busting Murdock out of a mental hospital, tricking B.A. onto a plane…loved it.  This update by Joe Carnahan (Smoking Aces) kept all the original fun, but made it bigger and slicker, and had great casting! 

5.  Predators.  So that’s four movies out of the top five that are here because they remind me of things I loved in the 80s.  And yet Inception is number one for being original…hmm….I honestly thought this was great – Robert Rodriguez produced a slick prequel/sequel depending on your timeline, and it echoes the original movie really wonderfully – also, more Topher Grace makes everything better.

6.  How to Train Your Dragon.  An animated movie in my top ten?  What the what?  This was one of the best movies of the year – fantastic in the theater in 3D with a great simple story.  I’ve always loved dragons – so maybe I’m biased, and seriously – Scottish Vikings?  Why not hire the Skaarsgaard family to do the voices?  Or just make them Celts?  But whatever, that aside…I loved it!
7.  Date Night.  Tina Fey is my hero – Steve Carrell is big time funny…take two Second City alums and give them a good funny story – excellent.  Add in Marky Mark as shirtless helping guy, awesome.
8.  The Town – From the acclaimed director of Gone Baby Gone (Ben Affleck).  I loved this movie – the writing was good, the acting was good, and yes, he’s a great Director!  Jeremey Renner is good at crazy as he proved in the Hurt Locker last year.  A great straightforward thriller.

9.  Salt – say what you will about Angelina Jolie – she makes a good female action hero.  I thought this movie was very good, very intense and actually had a twist I did not see coming!
10.  RED – there is nothing better than Bruce Willis in an action movie, no matter the age, and that’s the point of this movie.  Fantastic.  John Malcovich does great crazy and Morgan Freeman is actually in this, not narrating.  The only bad spot was whats-her-name from weeds, who could have been replaced by someone better…and thank goodness for Karl Urban.
11.  Despicable Me – Loved this one too….can’t remember the last year that had two animated movies I loved.  This one just missed the top ten, because honestly, the thing I loved most about it was the minions…could watch them for hours…the story was good, and voices well done…but watching the minions in the shopping center was the best part.
12.  Iron Man 2 – Not as good as the first.  But the first one was over and beyond amazing, so this one was pretty good….Love Don Cheadle, and RDJ does a good job of following Stark down his darker path…

13.  Unstoppable – so, let me get this straight…it’s two hours of an out of control train?  Yes, but, Denzel, Chris Pine, directed by Tony Scott, trust me…it’s really really good!  I was literally on the edge of my seat!

14.  Faster – better than you think!  The Rock – I’m sorry, Dwayne Johnson, gets out of prison and sets about getting revenge for his brother’s murder.  Sometimes, simple is better, and this is top notch.  “Any questions before you’re released?”  “Where’s the exit?”

15.  the Other Guys – Mismatched partners always makes for classic funny if done right. This was just plain good funny.  Who knew Marky Mark could do funny?
16.  Takers – okay, I’m prepared to be argued with on this, it wasn’t great, but I’m going to give it points for Idris Elba (yum), Hayden Christiansen’s hat, Michael Ealy’s eyes, Paul Walker’s intensity, and Chris Browns 3 parkour lessons.  I will take points away for T.I.’s accent.  Yes, I know you’re from Atlanta, but come on…I don’t understand what you’re saying.

17.  Losers – again, points for Idris Elba.  The saving grace of this movie was the interaction between the guys…charming and funny and Chris Evans, who almost steals the movie.  

18.  Legion – Paul Bettany stars as a fallen angel protecting a baby from God’s wrath.  Two hours of a few people stuck in a diner in the middle of the desert – old school scifi madness.  Simple and cool.  Also Kevin Durand as the angel Gabriel with bulletproof wings, nice.
19.  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, pt 1 – darker, scarier, deeper, better done.  Can’t wait for the final one.
20.  Resident Evil 4.  No, it wasn’t good, but I loved it.  Paul Anderson returns to direct for the first time since the original, after which he married Milla Jovovovovich.  There’s nothing better than slick looking zombie movies, and in 3D to boot?  Sweet.  Plus, Wentworth Miller and Boris Kodjoe.

Bottom of the Year!

1.  The Tourist:  The definition of wasted potential…Everyone in the movie looks bored.  It had a twist ending I figured out 5 minutes into the movie, and no action sequences whatsoever, which is not how it was marketed.  Paul Bettany attempts to save it, but he fails…It’s just awful….terrible.

2.  Robin Hood:  How bad is Russell Crowe to make you miss Kevin Costner’s acting in Prince of Thieves?  Don’t get me wrong, I loved Prince of Thieves, but my favorite Robin Hood was the Disney animated one.  Honestly, seeing how this was the first time Crowe reunited with Ridley Scott since Gladiator – I was excepting much, much more.  Too long, weirdly directed, strangely acted, and pretentious.  Points for Kevin Durand as Little John, but not many.
3.  Cop Out.  Oh, Kevin Smith…I’m a fan of yours, but this movie was just terrible.  It was disconnected and could not find it’s theme and Sean William Scott was very annoying.   And I don’t buy Tracey Morgan as a cop, in any universe.

4.  Skyline:  Could have been so cool, but wasted all the potential.   If there are cool aliens invading…don’t keep us in an apartment with characters we hate for half the movie.  Also – they’re just after our brains?  No alien race with superior technology is coming here to take our brains.
5.  Clash of the Titans.  Have to admit, I was excited about this; I loved the old one, and with new technology and effects, should be awesome, right?  Wrong, totally changed the story, and didn’t look as cool as I wanted, also, stop showing the Kraaken in all the previews, now I’m bored by it in the movie.  I did like the look of mount Olympus, where the gods do some arguing. 

2008 Year in Review

Before I had this blog, I posted reviews in random places.  I was going through and cleaning up those places and found this entry on the best/worst of 2008.  I thought I would share as some fun flashback friday nonsense!  Incidentally, I have only seen three of the list the EW said to see.  Enjoy!

You all know how i feel about movies....here is the list (according to Entertainment Weekly) of the 25 movies you need to see before Oscar night....and just for fun, I've added the length of each: 

1. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: 165 minutes (yikes!) 
2. Slumdog Millionaire: 120 minutes 
3. Milk: 128 minutes 
4. Frost/Nixon: 122 minutes 
5. The Dark Knight: 152 minutes 
6. Doubt: 104 minutes 
7. Revolutionary Road: 119 minutes 
8. WALL*E: 97 minutes 
9. The Wrestler: 105 minutes 
10. Gran Torino: 116 minutes 
11. The Reader: 122 minutes 
12. Rachel Getting Married: 113 minutes 
13. Vicky Cristina Barcelona: 97 minutes 
14. Changeling: 141 minutes 
15. Tropic Thunder: 107 minutes 
16. Happy-Go-Lucky: 118 minutes 
17. The Visitor: 104 minutes 
18. I've Loved You So Long: 117 minutes 
19. Frozen River: 97 minutes 
20. Nothing But The Truth: 107 minutes 
21. Man On Wire: 94 minutes 
22. Synecdoche, New York: 123 minutes 
23. The Duchess: 105 minutes 
24. Defiance: 137 minutes 
25. Austrailia: 165 minutes 

There it is. I have to admit, as of right now, i have seen a grand total of 2 of these movies:  Dark Knight (hands down best movie of last year) and Tropic Thunder. That's even less than i saw last year. I'll see a few more this weekend, definitely Slumdog Millionaire, probably the Wrestler...not Gran Torino - Clint Eastwood as an old, grumpy racist? Not interested. Maybe I will see the Changeling, but I've never heard of half of these...and Man On A Wire is the documentary about the guy who tightrope walked from one of the towers of the world trade center to the other. They made a documentary about that.  At least it's the shortest one on the list. 

That being said, here is my list of the top 20 movies that I think you should see from last year.  

• 1.  The Dark Knight - as I said, hands down the best film of the year.  All the performances were amazing: Bale was incredible, but rightly and unfortunately overshadowed by Heath Ledger, in the single most amazing performance I have seen this year.  It elevates this movie from "comic-book movie" to seriously well-crafted film.   
• 2.  Iron Man - as oppositely light as Dark Knight was dark, and yet still miles from mindless fluff.  Witness the re-relevance of Robert Downey Jr. Hey, comic book movies can be intelligent as well as incredible action pieces! Since when did Jeff bridges become an amazing villain? 
• 3.  Hellboy 2: The Golden Army - In case you haven't heard me say this yet, Guillermo Del Toro is the new definition of adult fairy-tale film-making. This movie is visually beautiful, action packed, quietly charming, features Doug Jones in three roles, and has the best version of a Barry Manilow song ever.  And, just in case you missed Pan's Labyrinth last year, rent that now.  It is one of the best pieces of work I have ever seen. 

• 4.  The Incredible Hulk - fabulous, not as fabulous as iron man...but fabulous none the less.  I don't like Edward Norton, but he was perfect as Bruce Banner.  This movies rights all the wrongs of Ang Lee's Hulk mess, and really gets me excited for what Marvel has planned next.
• 5.  Forgetting Sarah Marshall - funny all the way through, but with heart.  Really R-rated, crass heart! 
• 6.  Tropic Thunder - Just this side of too far.  And in some cases, on that side of too far.  It's a really funny take on big time actors who take themselves too seriously.  RDJ nails every bit of his crazy in this, which is perfectly balanced (and kept from being way too insulting) by Brandon T. Jackson.  And, holy crap!  Tom Cruise in this movie! See it just for him! 

• 7.  Quantum of Solace - Daniel Craig in one more movie away from me going, "Sean who?" in terms of James Bond.   I know, that's blasphemy! But I'm still nowhere near going, "Roger, who?" Craig is fantastic, and intimidating as Bond, I just hope that in the next one he'll be more fun. I really miss the fun pieces of Bond. 
• 8.  The Bank Job - a nifty little caper movie based on a true story.  Hey, can Jason Statham really act?  Or does this just happen to fit perfectly into his wheelhouse?  Either way, it's entertaining. 

• 9.  Death Race - well, if Statham can't really act, he can always rely on amazing B-grade action movies that require him to be shirtless and drive fast cars.  Seriously, how many car-driving movies will this dude be in? 
• 10.  Cloverfield - some people got nauseous on the single hand held camera work, I thought it worked great for this monster flick, although I did catch myself trying to peer around corners to get a better view of things.  Giant monster attacks New York City! We run with our video camera! Fantastic, and yay, T.J. Miller! 
• 11.  Vantage Point - not many people liked this movie, but I did. I thought it was interesting and fast paced. 
• 12.  Hancock - yes, Will Smith is as good as his hype, but this movie is not the straight-up comedy it was marketed as.  I think that's why it wasn't as well received as it should have been.  It's got more depth to it, an interesting ancient Greek subplot, and will remind you how great Jason Bateman is. 
• 13.  10,000 B.C. - admittedly, not a great movie, with all kinds of plot holes, etc. but, visually, a herd of stampeding woolly mammoths, a saber-tooth cat, building pyramids...that was all cool! 
• 14.  Eagle Eye - a decent thriller in which Shia La Boeuf runs from ....something? Very exciting, but I figured the bad guy out pretty early on. 
• 15.  Jumper - Hayden Christensen continues to try to prove he's more than just the embodiment of the dark side.  This movie is not great, but pretty visually interesting.  Diane Lane has an interesting part that I wanted more information from, Samuel L. Jackson wears a crazy wig, and Jamie Bell steals the whole movie. 

• 16.  Baby Mama - Tina Fey and Amy Poehler in a charming comedy! 
• 17.  Meet the Spartans - a spoof of 300.  I love spoofs, and I love Kevin Sorbo.  Turn off your brain for this one and just enjoy the stupid. 

• 18.  Zack And Miri Make A Porno - how can a movie with that title have that much heart? Kevin Smith, that's how. It's dirty as hell, and it's funny as hell.  Justin Long steals every scene he's in.
• 19.  Twilight - This is not on the list because it's good.  It's on the list because I had a blast going to see it with my friends and making fun of it loudly in a theater full of rabid tweens!  The experience puts it on the list.  Be warned, the movie itself is terrible! 
• 20.  Indiana Jones and The Space Aliens, I mean Kingdom of The Crystal Skulls - I'm not sure this goes on the list.  It really wasn't good.  I think I am giving it a pass just because it's Indy.  And Karen Allen was awesome.  

That's what I liked; now, here is what I thought were the worst movies of the year. 

• Untraceable - Easily one of the worst movies I have ever seen, on the list with The Fountain, The Brothers Grimm, and The Mod Squad reboot.  Holy crap was this bad.  Anything that starts out by torturing and killing a kitten....if I ever encounter anyone who was cast or crew for this movie i will greet them with a punch to the throat.  I'm talking to you Diane Lane. 
• P.S. I Love You - you know, you can make a good chick flick...so why was this one such crap? Apparently Hillary Swank is only good in heavy duty Oscar cry-a-thons. This was painful to watch.
• Babylon A.D. - not only was this movie crap, it was crap that was poorly shot, poorly acted and made no sense. 

• Max Payne - again, maybe the marketing department's fault.  This movie is not nearly as cool as the commercials/trailers made it look like it would be.   
• In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale.  Statham was really busy this year.  This is a terrible movie directed by the king of bad movie making - Uwe Boll...in which Matthew Lillard did just chew the scenery, he devoured it.  Ron Perlman plays medieval Ron Perlman, LeLee Sobieski plays a witch/princess, Kristanna Lokken lives in a tree, Burt Reynolds is bored, and Statham's character is named Farmer.  I'm guessing 85% of the budget was spent on Ray Liotta's wardrobe. 

• Semi-Pro - A Will Ferrell R-rated basketball comedy set in the 70's that could have been so great, but was just tired, slow and boring.  On the upside, you get to see Woody Harrelson play basketball again, but you spend the whole time waiting for Wesley Snipes to show up.
• Wanted - I hated this movie so much.  I felt like it spent the whole time yelling at me: "look how cool this movie is! We're so cool!  You're not cool like us!"  Shut up, Wanted, just shut up.
• How To Lose Friends And Alienate People - too long, too cheesy, and not funny.
• Transporter 3 - Seriously, a lot of Statham this year.  There are scenes from this that would go on the good list, but the whole movie goes on the bad list. 
• Rocknrolla - same problem....some good scenes, but not enough to make the whole movie good. Ironically, this is a Guy Ritchie movie, but did not have Jason Statham in it.  Hard to believe, although, clearly he was very busy!

Looking forward to even more movie magic next year!